Wati really touched me when she helped me time and again. Although they may be small matters in other people's eyes, they represent a heart that is giving towards me. When I thanked Wati, she said simply, "I will do a favour for a friend!" I was very touched, especially since she is not the expressive or effusive type.
Wati's daughter is pretty, shy, sweet in character, and always smiles at me when I smile at her or touch her cheek.
The Invitation
A few months ago, Norizah invited some of us to her house.
It was a lovely time in an informal setting. We ate food that we cooked by ourselves using a BBQ grill. I enjoyed myself.
The Community
As evening was turning to night, many of the guests started to leave. I decided to be a little more thick-skinned & stay for a while longer as it was a good opportunity to get to know her, her family and some of the other colleagues better. Since the others who stayed behind were Malay, some of them started speaking Malay instead of English. I did not feel left out. There was a genuine warmth in Malay culture which I had always enjoyed.
Furthermore, I find the Malay language and culture interesting, so I was happy to observe was happening & to try to pick up some nuances of Malay culture. They also took care to speak some English so that I would not be left out.
I was also very happy to play with their very lovable children. Hasnita was shocked but pleased and said that she saw a different side of me that day.
She usually saw the more serious side of me in the office and did not know that I could be so playful.
The Abang
It was enriching talking with Norizah's husband , a hardworking and ambitious fireman who did well at his job and had accumulated enough resources to buy the freehold property for his family and Norizah's mother to live in.
He said that he did not want to be laid-back or to blame others for economic problems as he had seen some other Malays do.
He had always wanted to work hard so that he could provide for his family.
He wanted his children to get to know people of different races and faiths so that they would not be limited to interacting only within the Malay community.
Daughter in a public school / missions school ?
He said that he and his wife had purposely enrolled their daughter in a Christian missions school in Singapore.
He said that it was because they wanted their Malay-Muslim daughter to interact with and learn more about other races and faiths instead of having a narrow-minded outlook or being suspicious of Christians/Christianity.
I was impressed by their foresight , intelligence and bravery .
Offer to kiss my hand
When Norizah's elder daughter came home from school, she kissed the hand of each female Malay guest in an As'salam greeting of peace.
I noticed that this was not something Malays normally do when non-Malays are present. Earlier, when there were more non-Malay persons around, the children did not do it. They did it only when there was only Malay company around. Perhaps some of them felt that those of a different race (mainly Chinese, including myself) might not appreciate the gesture and they were trying to be sensitive by not showing certain gestures to non-Malays.
But the truth is that , I was glad and privileged to receive the gestures borne out of a heart of wanting to deepen the friendship and a desire for genuine dialogue.
Far from being offended, I am more than happy to be included.
I was very pleased when Norizah's daughter also kissed my hand.
Actually, I think she did not know at first whether she should offer to kiss my hand because she looked a little confused when she saw me - the only Chinese still around.
I was also a little confused because I did not know whether I should offer my hand to her! I was concerned that the family may be offended.
The truth is that both of us were afraid of offending each other.
But , actually, neither of us would have offended the other in the gesture.
Her mum taught her well by saying rather firmly to her, "Just because she's not Malay doesn't mean you don't as'salam her."
Thank you
When we were leaving, we informed the owner of the house / the host (in this case, Norizah's husband) that we were leaving and thanked him.
As the others kissed the hand of Norizah's mother to say goodbye, I decided to follow suit and gladly did so too.
Wow! A Marriage Recommendation !
Norizah's mother was very pleased at my sincerity, attempts to talk with her and gesture of kissing her hand.
She said something to Norizah in Malay (the mum doesn't speak much English).
Norizah translated it:
"My mother says that you should marry a Malay. She wants to introduce you."
I took that as a great compliment!
I knew in my heart that I would only consider someone for marriage if he believes just as much as I do in the One God who incarnated himself as Isa Al-Masir or Jesus Christ the Lord, but I was very glad at her warmth and friendship...
I knew that it was the old lady's way of affirming me and telling me that she liked me. I felt honoured that she viewed me worthy to be part of her community. :)
Too many times, people of different faiths are afraid of offending one another. Sometimes , it is the atheists or agnostics who are afraid that a religious group, e.g. Christians, will offend those of other beliefs .
They then seek to 'dilute' overt expressions of their faith and tell them not to be 'fanatical' or 'intolerant'. I just read an interesting article in which someone asked whether atheists / freethinkers are actually the ones who are sometimes most fanatical or intolerant in their belief.
Sometimes, it is the atheist or secularist who wants to mould everyone into the same mould by claiming that all gods are the same.
Sometimes, it shows itself up in excessive proclamations of the country or state as a " secular nation " or " secular state " .
But , just as how a leader of the faith was glad to be invited to visit a Mosque recently, there are (or should be) no offended feelings on the part of many Christians but only gladness at the extension of friendship.
In fact, Christians are sometimes afraid that their counterparts would be offended if the Christian steps into a mosque or does anything that can cause misunderstandings; when the truth is that some Muslims would be happy to host them.
Therefore, there should be more open dialogue and frank discussion so that fear of offence, which leads to more misunderstandings, is reduced.
This is where any Inter Faith Council or Circle ought to tread, in Singapore or elsewhere.
The solution is not in pretending that all beliefs are the same -- or in trying to get leaders of different faiths to act as if all beliefs are the same.
The solution is not in glossing over convictions that form the core of a person's being (for belief in God or no God is, possibly, the strongest conviction or one of the strongest convictions that a human being can hold).
The solution is not in asking Christians to "water down" our beliefs so that we don't offend others.
A council seeking true inter-faith harmony must realise:
"In seeking to please everyone, we please no one.
In seeking to offend nobody, we may offend everybody."
How?
(i) Acknowledge that different beliefs are different (adherents of most faiths will find it illogical to say that all beliefs lead to the same conclusion or that all gods are the same so long as we look at them the same way)
and
(ii) the fact that it is entirely possible to have a very strong & uncompromising belief in our own God but still respect , befriend and even love the people who believe in a different God.
Rejection of the belief is not rejection of the individual persons who profess that belief.
We can have more of the following:
I thank God for my beloved grandmother, a woman enlightened beyond her educational level (she had only primary education as it was World War II when she was finishing primary school and in any case, the family did not have the finances to continue sending her to school), who taught me many things when I was a child & we were staying together. Despite the lack of formal education, she was wise in certain ways and never parochial.
When I was a child, my grandmother set an example for me by befriending neighbours of different races. I didn't think much about it at that time; it was only when I was much older that I considered the implications and was amazed at the values she had helped to inculcate in me without my knowing.
During Chinese New Year or other major festivities, she would always carefully arrange oranges and other food considered permissible by Muslims on a large tray and ask me to go over, knock on the doors of our Malay neighbours and proffer it to them graciously & with sincerity of heart.
They reciprocated during Hari Raya festivals by coming over to give us delicacies.
The key word is 'sincerity'.
As our nation 'developed', it seems some of this community spirit and the shared sense of humanity is diluted. As people live in crowded cities & people in the world become more suspicious of one another due to fears of terrorist threats and so on, lack of trust builds up and people seek to preserve what little space they think they have left. Doors are shut.
I believe that it might feel a bit strange to start the practice my grandmother had , especially if one is not used to it . However, it is important and such a simple step that one tends not to think about it. We don't need more big and major campaigns or organised functions to build ties. We need more of these little things on the ground. How does it help if we bypass our neighbours with nary a sincere thought every day yet try to build ties overnight by partaking in a one-day obligatory function and returning to our own world of oblivion thereafter?
I have been trying to communicate more with my female Malay neighbours & friends (and sometimes, they can really surprise you; my Muslim friends & neighbours are often fun, funny and much funkier and warmer than some might think, once they begin to trust you)... With my Malay housewife neighbour, it started with a smile and progressed to long chats along the corridor... She's really cool, friendly and intelligent.
.... By God's grace, I hope to continue communicating more with them....
